Bittersweet

So ct had their 34th speech day on last Friday and i was browsing thorough the photos and suddenly I felt like tearing up. You have no idea how much I miss ct and how much I yearn to be back there. It’s like just last year in August, that was me, wearing the SA blazer and back in ct for speech day. Now it’s my juniors’ turn. There’s something just so unexplainable about being able to be back in your alma mater in another school’s uniform; that sense of pride. Second thing that made me emotional and sentimental was seeing my ct choir kids perform at speech day. The choir has grown so big now like wow so many people hahahahaa and to see my last batch of juniors (whom I know personally) grow so much throughout the course of leading and being part of ct chorale is so so heartwarming. Honestly, to say that they have come a long way is an understatement. They have matured so much and it’s so hard to imagine that they’ve served the choir for 4 years already and they’re gonna be stepping down tomorrow. I’m so so proud of them (this batch especially) :’) I feel like I’ve watched them grow and learn to love choir and i feel so proud and happy for them/of them. 🙂
//
I guess you could say this is me, being unable to let go of the past. I like to reminisce and stay in the past rather than focus on the present and look towards the future. Maybe this is one of the reasons why I was so much more happier in ct than in sa now. I cling on to the past way too hard, I know that. But I like it this way. It may not be the most healthy way to survive and live life but those happier times are such a huge part of me. they’re like bits and pieces of what makes me who I am. I feel as though if I were to let go, to just forget the past and not go back to it, everything that took place then would evaporate too.
I’ve been in a rather terrible place this past week. Everything’s been so overwhelming – straight Us, choir, self-worth and just a whole lot of other very very dark emotions. The only way that I get through such period is to travel back in time to take my thoughts way from the dark patches in my mind.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s