everything in life is temporal

of people, friends, phases, circumstance. i suppose nothing is permanent and that in itself is another paradox of life. that temporary is permanent. i spent most of the late afternoon till evening today just walking down the streets of tiong bahru/bukit merah with no real destination. i was supposed to do my neighbourhood study of tiong bahru but i ended up walking, getting some me time to do some thinking.

we fight to hold on, and we fight to let go. why do we fight to hold on to certain people/relationships when it’s toxic for us? to beg them to stay when they don’t want to. yet when we try, we can’t seem to just let it go. what if their time in your life is already up? what if they were never meant to be a permanent figure in your life? harsh as it sounds, all you can do is to suck it up and be happy that at least y’all had that few months right? i wish it were that easy too, for me to just let people come and go, as some people can do. i can’t. while i accept and understand that everything in life is temporal and transient, acceptance and understanding does not translate to action. you can comprehend something but not want to do it. can’t seem to let this go, so i guess it’s something i’ll keep thinking about for as long as it lasts. with time, hopefully i stop doubting and will learn to trust again?

do i regret showing so much of myself, (in any relationship)? yeah, because when the day comes when we become strangers again, it will kill me. but for now, i will just content with the notion that temporary is a state of permanence and till then, i will live with what might just kill me.

forgot you were like ice, and I held on too tight


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